Nickelodeon’s “Good Burger,” starring Kel Mitchell as bumbling fast food worker Ed, is one of the most iconic sketches of Nickelodeon’s All That series—it even inspired a movie of the same name with Kenan Thompson as co-star.
Now that it’s been over 20 years since the sketch first aired, it’s worth wondering what Nickelodeon’s Good Burger would look like if it opened as a restaurant in 2016.
Here are 5 things that might be just a little different if Nickelodeon’s Good Burger opened up around the block this year.
Good Burger would sell organic food
While there are plenty of burger joints today, even McDonalds has become more health conscious as of late: customers are starting to care more about nutrition. Who knows—maybe 2016’s Good Burger would be entirely vegan. Kenan and Kale, anyone?
Good Burger would have robotic ordering features
“Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger” may be Ed’s line, but a robot can say it just as well. All over the country, automated kiosks are being implemented to ease up the ordering process, and will soon be implemented at Wendy’s.
Unfortunately, these robots could cost fast food workers their jobs— hopefully in a 2016 Good Burger we’d see workers like Ed in managerial positions— though a robotic Ed is a pretty funny thought.
Good Burger workers would make more money
Fast food workers are starting to demand better pay, and are getting as much as $15 an hour in some areas. If workers’ special sauce take of like Ed’s did they may not need it, but any extra money is good money.
Employees would never get away with shenanigans
Technology is far more ubiquitous today than it was in the 90s. Between smartphones and surveillance technology, it’s unlikely any goofy scenario would go unshared or unseen. This could lead to some amazing viral videos of burger-related hijinks, but it could also get people in trouble.
Good Burger would deliver.
With Seamless, Uber Eats, Amazon Prime Now and dozens of other delivery services emerging, more customers will opt to order burgers straight to their doorsteps. You know what that means: more Good Burger right in your home and stomach as often as you’re hungry.
We’re pretty sure that Kel Kimble would be the CEO of an orange soda company by now if he weren’t fictional.
Sure, Kel had his goofy moments— a lot of them. But, he also had those moments where he proved he was the smartest in the room and made us all feel like we had IQs of 3. Here are 5 of those times:
When his mind was so powerful, it knocked him out:
“My brain is so powerful. I bet I can break this desk with it!”
Of course, the desk won— but Kel’s IQ of 98 nonetheless was in the “genius” category.
When he hit the nail on the head with impressive vocabulary:
“Is a mechanic big, bad and acrimonious?”
Not all mechanics are big and bad, but Kel’s use of “acrimonious,” a far fancier a word than “angry” is on point.
When he ripped apart literature with a scathing critique:
“I don’t wanna be in your, your stupid old book club, anyhow! Oh, and by the way; I found Petals of Sorrow to be amateurish, the exposition was tedious and the characters were one-dimensional! Heard what I said? One-dimensional!”
I’d let Kel join my book club— heck, I’d let him run it if he brought orange soda.
When he defined humanity’s main weakness:
“I’m not psychic, I can’t predict the future, I’m still confused about the past!”
They may not admit it, but politicians, historians, and Nobel Laureates all suffer from this issue.
When his paintings were confused for a Swedish master’s
Kel’s painting sold for $50,000 at an auction. And though it was later revealed the buyer confused his work with that of a Swede’s, his artistic genius is undeniable in every stroke of “Sunset, Funset.”
Thanks for inspiring us to use our heads, Kel. Your genius is truly one of a kind!
Schneider’s Bakery, Inc. is a television production company founded by Dan Schneider. Television shows produced under the Schneider’s Bakery banner are noted for using the same stable of writers on all series, something that is atypical for scripted television series and especially sitcoms that are created by the same writer; staff writers working for most of Schneider’s series include Andrew Hill Newman, George Doty IV and Jake Farrow among others.
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