Summer is here, and it’s time to kick back and relax a bit. BUT— just because it’s summer doesn’t mean you can forget the key details. Just in case you do, we’ve pulled together some Vital Information for your everyday summer life, courtesy of Lori Beth Denberg:
“The early bird gets the worm. FINE! I don’t want the worm.”
The last thing you need to be doing this summer is waking up early. Make sure your room is extra dark and your bed extra comfy, it’s relaxin’ season! Trust us, Earth has tons of worms. You’ll be able to get a few in the fall.
“It’s not okay to eat breakfast cereal out of your underpants.”
When you do finally wake up from your summer snoozes, don’t do this. An underpants breakfast may seem like fun until you realize you’ve soaked your pants with milk and your bed’s all sticky with syrup! It’s best to fight temptation and instead eat breakfast at the table.
“Homework bad, pizza good.”
A year-round fact, but especially true in the summer. When in doubt, always choose pizza. The only time you choose homework is if the homework is to eat pizza. If that’s the case, we’ll do your homework for you!
“To get your teacher’s attention, it’s a bad idea to scream ‘Hey look over here you freakish animal!’”
If you have to go to summer school, it’s best to lay low, learn your stuff and get on with enjoying summer. Calling your teacher a freakish animal will probably earn you more time in summer school…a lot more. Stick to raising your hand.
“If you’re on a first date, it’s a bad idea to say, ‘So, what’s the biggest loogie you’ve ever hocked up?’”
Summer is also about dating. And when you’re with that special girl or guy, loogie hocking isn’t first date material. Third date, maybe…but not on the first date! You know what they say about first dates: don’t discuss work, politics or loogies.
“If you go fishing and don’t use all the worms, put cheese on them, give them to your little brother, and tell him it’s worm-aroni and cheese!”
On second thought, skip this idea.